I hate kids! You just get them trained to get you a beer or clean the toilets and off they go to grade school. Now you think they can finally start cutting the yard and painting the house, but no, now it’s time for high school. Just when you think you have it made and they get their driver’s license so they can come and get you at the bar, they start dating and no one wants their drunken dad in the back seat during a date. Now it is off to college, when finally by the grace of the mighty one they are out of the house and you finally get to walk around naked again. But reality ruins your short dream because now they are home every weekend like a swarm of locust, drinking all your beer and begging for money to stay in school. Graduation comes and the dream of someone working their ass off to finally support you feels so good, yet three years later they lose the new job and move home again, back into your beer and objecting to naked parents wandering the house. Finally, they age, settle down and you think it is golden now, but then you realize you are now too damn old to even go to the bar, let alone have someone come and get you, so there you sit in front of the television naked and sipping on an Ensure and vodka. As you die the illusion of eternal peace is there. You awake in heaven where there are millions of happy screaming, playing kids and not one of the little bastards will get you a beer. I hate kids!